You see how she looks right? That's how I felt when I heard my dad talk for an hour what did for the past 15 years of his life. I'm not going to tell you what he did but let me tell you this... I wanted to thank him for leaving me in the first place! I'm sorry but but guy is NUTS! Way out his head. The Government of the Philippines kicked him out because his visa ran out. Meaning he's an American by law or something. So get this, he wants to go back! I was like "wtf" and he wants to start giving me money soon as he get's a job. My plan would be is what ever money he gives me, I'll give it back to him when he starts asking me for money. So in a I'm doing him a favor. Weird but funny if you think about it. So my dad is a run down loser. In a good way I mean, he's not running any one down with drama.

Oh I'm starting to buy my stuff slowly. First is the boots. Then the outfit, the wig, gloves, hat, patches and metals. Soon by the end of march, my Nazi Lolli will be done. And I'm looking into other cosplays here and there. I asked Maxie if he would like to cosplay Loveless with me. Never got an answer from him yet.

Any way as to looking for what to cosplay I have to look around. Any anime I should take a look at? In the mean time I'll be looking around.

Okay everyone is having a good yet a weird way of there thanksgiving. Well for the record I never thought I would see myself forgive someone for what this man did. My real father wanted to see me. My real father. The father I never seen in my whole life. But do I feel any sadness, anger or joy knowing he's here to see me? To be honest, I felt numb. I felt nothing but a empty blank. I want to be mad but I can't. Maybe it's because thanksgiving. Or maybe it was a good reason he left because my mother did her best taking care of me. But over all I just can't leave him there. If he has enough guts to show his mug to me for so long of him not being there for me, well... I forgive him. I did better without him anyway right? I think so! ^_^ But we are all humans. Maybe latter on I'll make a small stop to say hi and show him what a man I have become with out him. Even though he is my dad, come to think of it, he had many chances to make it up. I mean all these years with out a word and out of no where? I don't know mind you I am drinking so yeah. My thinking is kinda off. Oh well. I know I am not mad at him I just feel nothing for him.

Anywho... ALA is coming up and I have to get ready for the drinks. Me and Gaby have to talk on what to buy and what to use there. Last con we had alot of bottles. Peter and Bobby pitch in. Thanks guys! ^_~ Well hope everyone is having a good one.

I have started my idea of cosplay of a Nazi lolli right after Fanime. During AX my idea expanded even more. From there it'll hit the 6-month mark and nothing. I have to get started on this. Gaby and I had the talks about the idea about my plans on my next cosplay. A lolli butler. Or host. But any way, I have to act fast and make it. My goal on which is very slim is have it done by ALA. Buts with hotel, food, bottles for the party, the convention cost and let's not forget, my rent. So for these two months I have to see where this will be taking me. As of this moment The Nazi and Host lolli will be done when Fanime is around. But my main goal is the Nazi Lolli. Peter will be cosplaying with me as well. Hell he even got all rally up about the whole idea about it. He's going to cosplay as a Jew. Umm... ask peter on that part. I have no part of that idea on which I will be a NAZI.

Hotel...   $85.00
ALA...      (Unknown)
Food...   $60.00
Gas...     $40.00

Nazi Lolli

Wig...                                     $50.00
Boots...                                 $80.00
Coat and pants...                $80.00   
Hat...                                      $85.00       
Patches and arm band...  $38.00
Gloves...                               $15.00
Make up done by Gaby... (unknown)

That's most of the listing right there. Have to get all this before ALA.



LET'S DO THIS!



 

Alighty, it has been  while. Well there's nothing happening for me to post. Well nowI do. Okay a few days ago I had another cest pain again. To a point I need to be rushed to the E.R. Once I got there, I stayed for once. Last time I was there I just waited and well, me and Gaby wanted to leave.She coldn't wait any longer and so did I so I discharged myself for the hell of it. But thi time I stayed. For three days they keepet an eye on me and I tell you, the food was okay but, really... I wanted out on the first full day I was there.

The first day was not so bad, they gave me a cat-scan, another x-ray and a few shots they put into my I.V. and some shots of some blood thiners and pills to lower my blood prussure. Besides the meds, everything was okay.

The second day I talked to a cardioloigest doctor and told me that after those test I took, he said I'll be needing open heart surgery. 0_o() Thats the look  I had to show him after finding out. We talked more about it. It seemed that my main valve is not closeing enough and there's a leak in my heart. So that means I need a new heart valve. In car talk, I need a new turbo intake pipe. I'm losing turbo pressure and having turbo lag.

The third day I talked to the doctor more about the surgery. Then another man came in and he was from the social services. He told me that my coverage for KMC will not cover DRMC. Delano Reagonal Medical Center. So he was talking to me about how I can get grants of medical aid and funds. But in order to do that I have to go and sign up for it at the Carrer Sevice Center. He gave me really good tips on how to give myself a better chance of getting it. All I need is a letter from my doctor stating about my situation, add a few more documents of my progress notes, physical and medical history about my chest pain. And top it off with my age... uppers. Cool beans and the whole 9 yards!

There's a bit chance.... I might not get it. But hey, at least I tried. But hey, you and I will never know.

Well after finding that out, no harm leaving the hell hole... AGAIN! But knowing that if I ever get hurt again, go to KMC. Thats a 40 minute drive to get there going 80 mph. But mind you the surgery and everyting thats needed to be done, I can get back to that soon as I am ready. As in I have medical. Oh well. Tips for me to follow... While drinking, if I hit the tipys level, I have to stop drnking. Why? while drunk, I'll be pushing myself more just to stay up. Keep my emotionals to a low level. Meaning If I get mad, clam down fast as I can or else. Get enough sleep and rest, and try to relax more and destress. Or learn how to. Is there a class for that? Please no listing....

Okay Phil is still sick, Gaby is sick as well... I just got out of a cold just a few days ago... Man this fall/winter is getting everyone! Flu and cold. Hope everyone is getting better because I know everyone I know is getting sick. Time to pull out my UMBRELLA CORPORATION jacket. I love this jacket. Okay This is how I get better when I am sick. Here's a list of things I use while I was sick:
                                        

                                         1.  Nite-Time cold /flu Medicine.
                                         2.  Water, much as you want
                                         3.   A place to sleep
                                         4.   A ninja
                                         5.   A can of soup
                                         6.   Time to rest, most of 8 or 9 hours
                                         7.   A really hot shower
                                         8.   12pack of beer
                                         9.   Bayer aspirin
                                      10.    Facebook, myspace, LJ

The first thing I did was #10. Typed out what I had and how I felt. The second thing I did was #2 drank much water as possible. Clean out my system every time I go to the restroom. Third I #4 ninja (censored) ... then I (censored)... but the ninja wanted (censored)... me and the ninja drank the #8 12pack of beer on our own. Good times.  #7 take a hot long shower, to wash off that sickness off you. #5 Eat a can of soup, take 2 #9  Bayer aspirin and 1 TSP of #1 Nite-time Medicine. #3 get to bed and #6 get some good night sleep and keep warm too. There you have it folks! That's how i go though with my sickness.

Alright, so far everything is about to take a slow change. Gaby will be putting in more hours, Juan, he's unknown, and as for me... Well it all started yesterday. I woke up and went to bathroom. Came back and well, told myself  "I need a job..." Then out of nowhere my cell phone go's off. I answer and it's the guy who interviewed me for the job at Fastrip Gas store. He wanted me to go and do a drug screen test. From there I was telling myself  "I need $1,000,000,000.00" Nothing happen...  Right away I  got up, called my crime partner Carmichael and were off to bakers to do my drug test. That day was really cold...

 Okay rewind a few days before this.... >> Alondra and Azu took me to Bakers back to the very health clinic that told me I have a heart murmur. What I was about to give them was a doctor's note that stated that I was clear to work for CNS. The nurse got back to me after me handing over the note to her to give to the doctor, she tells me that I still need to see a cardiologist. But I told her that my doctor told me I didn't need to see a cardiologist, that I was okay to work. The nurse told me again that I need to see one. In order for me to go see one I would need a referral from a doctor. I didn't need one because I was okay. The nurse looks at me with a blank face and keeps telling me the same thing. So I talk out loud so dose Azu, "Fuck this, this is fucking lame. Let's go Azu." Even Azu was confused about the whole thing.

Okay now after that, the next day I was called for the drug test right... Same place with the same nurse. I felt so out of place. When I came in the first thing I did was that I told her that I was sorry for the actions I displaid in the office. She was okay with it and started with the paper work.

After that me and Carmichael went over to a bike shop down town. He needed a new back tier for his bike. Too much burnouts and road trips, it wears out fast. So while he was ordering this parts, I was looking around and just, day dreaming the days when I had a bike of my own. Mine was a  96 ZX6R Kawasaki Ninja. Loved that bike. ^_^

After coming back, helped out Gaby and Juan clean up the house. I did a part of it because they were almost done with the place. Later that night, just kicked it and was online doing tests on facebook. They were fun. Well for now I'm just waiting for that phone call for me to come in and start my training. And as for the CNS job, have not giving up on that. All I have to do is see a cardiologist on which case I did found out I have a referral. Don't ask how I got one just know I do have one. *hint* ..... Ninja.

I just put that there because I can! HA! Well at this point, I think I have a cold. Sucks being this week. Need to be healthy to fight off Gaby! >.< Just kidding well for now I am going to the health clinic and tell that doctor that I have fit to work for CNS! That's if Alondra is not working. If she is then I have to wait. But if not, YUPPERS! I but I am stilling for a job! Wish me luck! XD

This was my graduation speech. I had alot of friends yelling and cheering during I was giving my speech. The place was packed full of families and friends. I made my speech under an hour because I was so freaked that I was picked as Valedictorian! What did I do to get that? well here's my speech.


"Through out the years students come here looking for something to build on, a base to stand on and make something out of them self. Some look for a challenge or just to see what Center has to offer. Overwhelming results of students finishing Job Corps and having high paying jobs and starting there own family, shows that this system really works if the student applies them self. 
Now is a day where we stand with high pride and joy to see our loved ones and friends here today. Over the past… on to something new, looking forward, not looking back, doing what ever it takes to finish the job and do the job right! We started small and now we are on the top of the world! We are graduates of the class September 2006. We made it! (... some one in the back crowd yells "go mike!"...) The next challenge for us is living up to our dream and our life. New lives where we start and finish when we die. But between those times I know we are going to be happy with what we did. And that is making a difference in our lives. Thank you."

that day was the longest day ever! But at the end I was kissed by a unknown crush. Well in terms she had a crush on me for the longest time and I didn't even know about it. Huh... whata ninja she is...

heehee XD

Tonight was weird. I was walking over to Matt, who is helping me on some paper work when this feeling came over me, like an old mind set came back to me. Gothic. The mood was right, the setting was, dark... half moon out, cool and and I was wearing all black. My mind was racing with Gothic thoughts. Dark realms and shadows of shadows and vampires! I have forgotin this mind set for so long! OMG, halloween... I must! but the outer wear is not up to par.... Winter and Gothic are my two best friends in the world. Long black pop collar coat, fitted grey shirt with dark jeans with steel toe boots, wallet chain, leather black gloves and late night walks across town in the middle of the dead of night, through the misty fog. Oh how i lived those years. Gaby and the others do know what I am talking about. Back in the high school days i was the only asian goth there were. I don't know but this feeling of mine will grow. December was the night I walked into a cemetery in the middle of the night, in the Fog. It felt so nice and to think there was anyone there beside the sleeping. LOL ahhhhhh i can't wait! The goth is now growing within me now. Well maybe it'll go away who knows... ^_^

Ever have people tell you to go check out things or stuff that they think you might be into but in truth after hearing from them your not? Am I making any sense here? Well Gaby wanted me to read a Fan-fic called "FAKE" yaoi. Well It's about these lovers, Ryo and Dee.

At first I was not into those fan-fics because Gaby would tell me what was going on for every fan-fic she read. So from hearing what she had to say, felt there was no reason to read if I can hear it from her.

After reading the first part of FAKE... I need to know the 'results' of Dee's test. I'm sorry but I'm so hooked on it now. I'm like, need to know! I fell in love with Dee and Ryo. ....... what? ........ >.>"

“To many Raccoons, this is a symbol. It brings them to the days of mounted warriors who dueled with poems and honor, as well as a blade. It is a reminder of a code, the Raccoons, and a nation.”

...

Ummm... I can explain... Oh well  at this point it's now time to crank those gears and start moving onto bigger things like me getting into CNS. Word around the campfire is that I think there not taking anyone for training but I have to see what's up. Another is that I have to wait and see if I do get a phone call from Fastrip. Fastrip is a gas and food store. Hope I get it. I mean better than nothing. Jack in the box is going to higher me but I have to see about that because there is another town who is opening another Jack in the box there. So after that store opens, the manager here can start training me. I just need more time but I know from the other posts, I stated I have only one month. Well it's almost the end and I need more time to kick in and see. I mean I can't wait, do nothing. I'd keeping calling them but don't want to push them away. All the jobs I have already called has been filled. Why am I not in those jobs I don't know but oh the Job for the hotel, yeah that didn't work out but I'll give them a call and see.

And as for me going to Ycon is a "Iffy". Gaby was thinking the same thing too. But right now whats important is coming up with the rent. I mean I can ask again but I don't know because they help me so much but this time I can't give up. Can't let Gaby down. I mean yeah yeah I did let her down a few times but I mean this is big and I mean, this is my home... and I know the people I live with is not all that grate but there not that bad either. So what can I say, I mean Gaby did ask me if I wanted to move in. The fact that I have no rent money creeps the shit out of me. So for the record I am really worried but in the same time I know I can pull through this. As that Raccoon did, so can I!

Ninja Mission...
-Get back into getting CNS
-Find the rent money and cell phone money
-Save up much as possible for ycon
-Finish paper work with Gaby
-If not getting into CNS find job asap
             

Just came back for my Doctor and well... I'M HEALTHY! well that's what he said base on my blood work. I am so happy! The best Tuseday of my life. And the whole issue of me having a heart murmur, well no big deal! Doc said I'm alright and fit to work! I don't know the fit part but I do know that I am in the clear! And I do have the "Doctor's note" and the blood test results so there for..... *evil laugh* muh hahahahahaha! >__<" Demo I did ask a few questions as to my heart murmur and my heart. He said if there were any problems, it'd show up in the blood results. So I have to go back and see the Doc who refuse to clear me, show this note to her and have her finish my paper work for CNS! Now is how to get there. Hmmm.... Let's see... 

At this point I'm losing my fucking mind. I have already been through three job interviews with promising word of me having the job. But nooooo, I have not got the phone call yet a set time to start working! GOD! At least have my EDD check come in so I can start paying off some the shit I have to take care of. Further more My rent is coming up so I have to act fast. AGAIN! This time no help. I know what's going to happen and I can't let that happen. For a fact that Gaby gave Alondra alot of slack into finding a job but never did at the time, I don't want to go through that with me. I know I can get a job so therefor I have to try even harder!

eeewwww....... At this point Juan, TK and Gaby is playing Fatal Frame. I played it... with the lights on... >.>

Side note my blood work should be done so in Tuseday I find out what really is going on. I am a little worried but eh, what harm will it do to me if I find out anything? ... On second note... <.<  I'll keep you up on whats going on.

For disability, I think it's okay but I do want to work. I might have think about this because I was told I can get it and still work. So I'm thinking about it. If you know any info about this please let me know. The more info I have, the more I feel more at ease of making my choice if I should or shouldn't.

Here some of the photo was taking  at Anime Expo 2009 by Ejen to a make a Book about Cosplay. There will be more soon. And no I was not having a bad hair day. >__<()





ejenchuang.com / stills photographer / los angeles

As of right now, I'm in LOCKDOWN. No more junk food! Gaby has taken part of making sure I eat right and work out. The work out part I'll do. So as of right now my body is going through a detox. And oh I'm feeling it. But by the time y-con comes by I'll look a little different. Eating less, working out more, still looking for a job, and maintaining my blood pressure.

So right now in a bit I will start my work out and start my walk. Maybe I'll go see Azu... Far walk but it's worth it. I guess...

Only if I had the chance to take this photo sideways...




Outside form our Apt


California cool down while the sun say's good bye


Every now and then I watch the sun go down.


what's on the other side of county. Nothing.


I need a job fast! that sad face you see... yeah that was me...


I did this dinner set up. One of these days, I want to throw a dinner party.


Understanding I have a really bad heart problem, this note really says a lot!
(If you can't see it, its an "OUT OF ORDER" paper with tape. Right under my heart)